Second Childhood
by KellethMetheus
Summary: The Team's in trouble and Rodney will have to pay the price.
1. Faze Shift

Title: Faze Shift

Author: KellethMetheus

Spoilers: none  
Category: Gen, Kidfic  
Summary: The Team's in trouble and Rodney will have to pay the price.  
Disclaimer: Not mine but I do now own all of SG-1 and Atlantis.  
Warnings: none

Beta: Thanks to Eilidh17. You did an awesome job. Thanks so very much.

Challenge: Stargate Drabbles Alphabet Challenge #112 F is for Flash

**~0o0o0~**

Atlantis's flagship team stood shocked, unsure what to do. They were surrounded by a group of men armed with spears and bows. Sheppard figured that they could probably shoot their way out, but he didn't like the cost to both the denizen's of the planet or his team. No one had done anything wrong, this was all a misunderstanding that he hoped to resolve peacefully.

Rodney was sputtering. "We didn't know it was a sacred temple, in fact we didn't know that anyone lived here. We've been to this planet before and never seen anyone. Just where the heck were you guys?" Rodney held up his hands in supplication. "We just wanted to find the source of power inside. That was all-"

The chief pointed his finger at Rodney. "It does not matter, you must still pay for your crimes. Ignorance is not an excuse. You have violated our sacred site. There was a warning. Just because you could not read it, does not save you. Now you must pay the price. Please give us your weapons."

Everyone looked to John, who glanced quickly around, taking in the odds. With his shoulder slumped in defeat, he nodded and the rest of his team handed over their weapons peacefully.

Then the chief motioned to them. "Follow me or the punishment will be much more severe."

They were lead back into the sacred ruins and the chief dismissed the rest of his people. Using a hand full of herbs, he drew a ring around the team. Then he slapped his hand onto the ruins and there was a flash of light.

Temporarily blinded, John blinked rapidly to clear his vision. Something was very wrong. Teyla was fine and so was Ronan, but Rodney wasn't.

Rodney's voice held a slight whine. "Mommy? Daddy?" He looked around at the adults not recognizing anyone. "Where am I?"

John opened his mouth and closed it again, at a loss for words. Where his teammate had stood only moments earlier, there was now a small boy with Rodney's t-shirt hanging off from his shoulders. "Who are you and where are my parents?" He looked around at all the people, but getting no answer, he burst into tears.

* * *

Teyla looked at the other who just stared at the weeping boy. Shaking her head, Teyla knelt down gather the boy into her arms. Rubbing his back she whispered soothing words as she picked him up. Addressing the chief, she asked, "May we return to our world now or must he stay here as further punishment?"

"Take him with you, and you must never return to our world. Your weapons have been left at the Ring of the First Ones to take with you."

John watched the villager start to leave and called out, "Wait just a minute. What about Rodney? Is he going to stay like that?" John gestured to the still weeping boy who's face was buried in Teyla's neck. "How can you do this to a grown man?"

The chief shook his head. "It was not us, it was the First Ones. They chose the punishment. It is up to them to choose the time for it to end, if it does." Then he turned and walked away, ignoring John's further demands for a better explanation.

"Down, please." Rodney asked as he pulled away from Teyla.

Gently she placed him on the ground. On wavering legs Rodney crossed over to John and tugged at his pant leg. Silently, Rodney held out his arms, and Teyla watched John pick the boy up without thinking.

Instinctively, Rodney wrapped his legs around John and laid his head down on John's shoulder. Immediately the boy's crying died down to just an occasional hiccough.

* * *

John studied the boy for a moment wondering what they were supposed to do now. Atlantis wasn't always a safe place for them let alone a child. But that wasn't his problem, Dr. Weir made the tough decisions he just did the heavy lifting. Looking over at the remainder of his team. "Well, let's go home. Nothing left for us to do here."

The small boy nodded and murmured, "Yes, take me home, John." Then he stuck his thumb in his mouth, quickly falling asleep.

With a heavy sigh, John motioned for them to move out. Dejected, the team headed for the 'gate, wondering if they would ever see their 'adult' team mate again.

John followed last, carrying the now sleeping Rodney. He wondered how much the boy remembered about his old life, and if he did, wouldn't that be the worst punishment?

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from my readers and drop me a line.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	2. Kaleidoscope

Title: Kaleidoscope

Author: KellethMetheus

Series: Second Childhood 2/11  
Category: Kidfic, Gen  
Summary: Rodney arrives home to Atlantis.

Beta: Thanks to Cheryl for a speedy job. I made some changes so all errors are mine.

Challenge: 12Day Of Christmas Day 1: Letter K, ghost, fly, sick, miserable and trapped.

~0o0o0~

When John and the others stepped out of the wormhole into the control room, a heavy silence descended all around them. No one spoke, but everyone stared at the sleeping child wearing an overly large t-shirt cradled in John's arms.

Flanked on either side by his teammates, John refused to flinch under everyone's scrutiny. There was nothing the others in the room could be thinking that the team hadn't already wondered if they could have done differently.

John shifted his grip on the boy, the longer he stood there the heavier Rodney was getting, but he wasn't moving yet. He was wondering if he should have let them know they were coming in a little light. Things like this you just can't keep quiet and so there was a crowd. Just what he was waiting for he didn't know.

"Colonel Sheppard, I need an explanation." She stopped taking a deep breath, looking over the strange tableau as she descended the stairs. "Is this child really Dr. McKay?"

Suddenly Rodney lifted his head calling out, "John!" just seconds before his whole body jerked and he was sick all over the John.

All though John tried to avoid the flying stream of vomit, there was no where to go. As he jumped back John almost dropping Rodney in the process.

Rodney began to cry, rubbing his eyes. "John, I don't feel good; my stomach hurts."

There was no doubt in anyone's mind who he was.

Rubbing Rodney's back, John tried to sooth him. "I know, buddy. We're taking you to see Beckett." Then he turned to face Elizabeth. "Meet Rodney McKay, the eight year old."

Elizabeth looked from Rodney to John, she opened her mouth and closed it a few times, apparently unsure what to say.

With his clean hand, John reached out squeezing her shoulder. "I know. I'm going to take him to see Carson and then we'll go from there."

Her voice was shaky. "Yes, right, take him to Carson. Teyla and Ronan can you remain and bring me up to speed on what happened?" Both nodded and followed her into her office,e while John disappeared with everyone's gaze on him.

* * *

Rodney sat quietly in the middle of the bed with his knees pulled up to his chin, feeling lost and alone. Closing his eyes he wished... he didn't know what he wanted, but something was wrong. This wasn't his life or who he should be.

Carson, the doctor, was looking over some charts on the far side of the room, frowning each time he turned the page. By the stunned expression on Carson's face and the furrow in his brow Rodney could tell the man was amazed and horrified at the same time by his condition, and Rodney couldn't blame him. After all, Rodney was the one living it, his life was spinning out of control, and he had no idea how to make it stop.

"So, tell me what happened again?" Carson demanded shuffling through the stack of paper in his hand once more, his tone a hushed whisper, but Rodney heard every word.

John, still covered in vomit, paced not far from Carson. He stopped and looked over at Rodney and then back at the doctor. "Carson, telling you a third time won't do anything. We need to figure out how to get him back to Rodney size again."

Carson threw up his hands. "Colonel, I have no idea where to start. There is nothing like this in the database, yet you tell me it was an Altaran device that did this." Carson rubbed his forehead. "I'm sorry but I'm at a total loss here."

Rodney could hear the frustration in both men's voices.

Carson smiled slightly. "On the upside, he is health as a horse. I've scanned him and there is nothing wrong with him, other than the fact he's twenty-five or so years younger."

Frowning Rodney looked at his hand and touched his face. He wasn't supposed to be like this? Twenty-five years; he used to be a grown up? What happened to him; why was he like this?

His hands started shaking and Rodney wished he could control his fear, but it spun out of control pulling him into the maelstrom of his emotions. There was only one anchor and he knew all he had to do was call out. "John?"

Turning around, John took one look at Rodney's white face and all but ran to the boy's bedside. "Rodney, what do you need, buddy?"

Drawing in a deep breath, he rubbed his nose. "Why can't I remember anything thing? How did I get here and where are my parents?" He played with the hem of his overly large scrubs. "And you? Why can I only remember you?" He closed his eyes fighting for control. "I know I can trust you and you won't let me down, but who are you?"

John wrapped his arm around Rodney and held him close. "I'm the one who's going to help you through this. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to be here for you."

Rodney leaned into him and, for just a moment, the chaotic world he'd been tossed into settled and he was safe. "I know you will, John. You always have been before."

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from my readers and drop me a line.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	3. Endless

Title: Endless

Author: KellethMetheus  
Series: Second Childhood Part 3/11  
Category: Kidfic/Gen  
Summary:Adjustments for everyone.  
Beta: Thanks to Cheryl but I made some changes so all errors are mine.

Challenge: 12 Days of Christmas: Day 2 - Letter E, Cookies, Jolly, Lost, Cured, and Bored

~0o0o0~

John didn't leave the infirmary until Rodney was asleep once more; the smell of himself was beginning to make him queasy. Slowly, he slipped out of the room taking the opportunity to head back to his quarters to shower and change, but he planned to return as soon as possible incase Rodney woke up.

"John?" Elizabeth called from down the hallway. "Does Carson have any ideas?"

"No, he couldn't find anything remotely like this in the database or any of the research we've discovered so far. He's—" John stopped, throwing his arms in the air in frustration. "We'll just have to wait and see. Rodney may never be cured; he might just have to grow up all over again."

"I've talked to both Teyla and Ronan and I still don't understand why those people did this."

"Rodney was being Rodney, and there was a misunderstanding. We were unable to resolve it, and Rodney had to face the consequences."

Elizabeth frowned, her hands clenched into fists. "So they turned him into a child? What kind of punishment is that?"

John looked back into the infirmary at the sleeping Rodney. "For a man like Rodney, can you think of a worse one?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Why don't you get changed and meet me and the others in my office. We'll figure out where we go from there. We have to discuss what will happen to Rodney. His sister needs to know about this."

"I'll contact her once we've made some decisions. That way we can tell her everything we know. See you soon."

John turned and headed off down the hall with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

* * *

Rodney woke alone in the infirmary. He'd overheard enough to know when he was big he lived here in this place. He closed his eyes, trying to picture himself as a grown-up like John, but nothing came to mind. What kind of man was he? Strong, brave, stupid? No. Rodney shook his head, there was no way he could be stupid. His mind was filled with knowledge and, looking around the room, he could name every piece of equipment and what it was used for, but everything else about who he was had been wiped clean.

Rolling over, he tried to go back to sleep, but he was awake now and his mind was racing in directions he didn't quite understand or comprehend. Turning over, he stared up at the ceiling, feeling the need to get up and do something but having no idea what to do.

Then a thought occurred to him as they fell on a device across the room. What would happen if he rewired the defibrillator? He was sure he could make it more efficient.

Curious to see if it would work, he scooted off the end of his bed and landed onto the floor. Rodney paused only to tug his shirt up from where it slid off one shoulder. He cast a look over at Carson's office; the doctor was still buried in his work. Using a chair, Rodney began studying the device where it lay on the gurney. Using the few tools at hand, he accessed the insides of the defibrillator. Choosing a scalpel he got to work.

"What do you think you are doing?"

Rodney jumped at the sound of Carson's voice letting go of the machine. He tumbled off the chair in one direction and the defibrillator went the other, both hitting the floor. Rodney felt all the breath leave his body as he made contact with the hard tile like surface while the machine shattered with bits flying everywhere. Rodney's eyes got very big as he looked over at the device and then up at Carson from where he lay sprawled on the floor still fighting to breath.

Carson was immediately at his side. His sure hands checked for breaks and other injuries. "Rodney, can you hear me?"

Moving only his mouth, any other movement hurt too much, Rodney answered, "I can hear you. Don't sneak up on me like that. I mean you could kill someone doing that." He rolled onto his side, rubbing his bum. "My butt hurts."

"You can't jolly well just do whatever you want. I don't care if you are bloody Rodney McKay. No one takes apart my machines. I—" Carson stopped. "You're fine, but don't ever do that again."

Rodney nodded, biting his lip. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Carson helped Rodney to his feet and back into bed before disappeared into his office, returning after a moment. "Here… read this until Colonel Sheppard returns to take you to your room." Then he plunked a book and a plateful of cookies on the table. "Enjoy my cookies. Now I have work to do."

The doctor disappeared back into his office and Rodney picked up the book and turned it over in his hands. On the over two knights squared off in a jousting arena. It peaked his interest, he had read this book before and he searched for the title-Ivanhoe. Bits and pieces of the story came back to him, but not all of it.

Excited to read it again, he opened it up, but he found he couldn't understand it. He knew the symbols were letters and numbers, but he couldn't read them.

Squinting harder, he tried to force the letters to form something he could understand, but they continued to mock him from the page. Frustrated, he tossed the book across the room. It made a satisfying thunk as it smacked into the wall.

Rodney needed to get out of here; he grabbed a few cookies and tied them up in the napkin. Unsure where he was going or what he was looking for, Rodney left the infirmary searching for whatever he'd lost.

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from my readers and drop me a line.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	4. Lost

Title: Lost

Author: KellethMetheus  
Series: Second Childhood Part 4/11  
Category: Kidfic/Gen  
Summary: Rodney's lost in so many ways.

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, but the story is...

Beta: Thanks to Cheryl once again. Thanks for all you do for me and the rest of us. I made changes so all errors are mine.

Challenge: 12 Day of Christmas: Day 3- Letter L, Beard, Gathering, Regret, Denied, and Commanded

~0o0o0~

After wandering the halls, Rodney got so turned around he couldn't have found his way back to the infirmary even if he wanted to. Tired, he sat down munching on Carson's shortbread cookies while contemplating his next move.

Looking up, he examined the smooth walls wondering what they were made of. He'd never seen anything like them. Why was he here and just where was here?

Finishing the cookies, he headed out onto the balcony to get a better look at the sky. There was no light pollution and he could see millions of tiny points twinkling in the sky. Those stars weren't the constellations he should be seeing over Canada, in fact none of them looked familiar at all. This was definitely not Earth. So where was he?

Feelings of helplessness filled him as he struggled to remember, his hands clenched on the railing as tears pooled in his eyes. Drawing a deep breath, he commanded himself to stop. He was a big boy now and crying wasn't allowed. But he couldn't, and the tears trickled down his cheeks, each a pinprick of shame to Rodney.

It was then a large whale like creature surface; it twisted moving its fins as though waving, just before it hit the water.

It stirred a memory. Rodney knew he should be terrified—whales scared him, they were just so huge and wet—but seeing this creature made him feel safe, almost loved. He waited for it to surface again. When it didn't, Rodney felt even more lost.

* * *

As soon as John got the panicked call from Carson he started looking for Rodney. He regretted being detained so long with Elizabeth. He had been on his way back to the infirmary when all hell had broken loose. John had sent someone to check on Rodney, but Chuck had gotten sidetracked by the mess in the gateroom along the way.

Now an hour later, he, Teyla and Ronon were searching the city in teams, asking everyone they passed if they had seen the small boy. So far no one had and John was beginning to worry, the city was huge there were too many dangerous places for a child to get hurt, especially one who has holes in his memory and an ATA gene.

Relief filled him when John finally found Rodney standing on the east pier where the two of them usually sat when things got bad. They had said goodbyes there, celebrated successes and failures, and now they would forge a new bond. One that John wasn't sure he was ready to make, but he'd muddle his way through… Rodney had no one else.

"Rodney."

The boy's shoulders tensed but he didn't turn. "Where are we? This isn't Earth, the stars are all wrong. Don't lie to me, I know we're not even in the Milky Way. I do know that for sure."

John looked up at the sky and laughed. "I should have known you'd figure it out." Coming closer, he stopped just behind Rodney. "Look buddy, I'm not sure where to start—"

Rodney snorted. "Why not with the truth? I heard you and Carson talking, I'm not supposed to like this. I was older, grown up, but now I'm not." Rodney looked down at his hands. "What happened to me?"

"It was an accident and yes, you were shrunken a bit. This is one of those things you just can't plan for. I…" He paused to look out over the ocean and gather his thoughts. "Here's the truth, the important parts. We're here in another galaxy; Pegasus to be exact. You're important to me and the rest of the team and that won't change now you're... the new you. Teyla, Ronon and I are here for you."

Turning around, Rodney frowned. "They were there yesterday… it's a bit of a blur. Teyla, she's a woman with the long hair, and Ronon, he's that big man with a beard looks like he could break me in half. They're my friends?" Poking himself in the chest, Rodney stepped away from John to pace rubbing his forehead. "But I don't have friends, people just don't like me. I mean even my own family hates me; I never belong anywhere; I'm too smart!"

John clenched his fingers. He'd never heard Rodney like this. Not even all the times Rodney had almost died.

Rodney spoke again, this time his voice was so quiet John almost didn't hear. "But now I'm not smart. I'm not me. I don't even know who me is and I can't read, but I know all this stuff that doesn't make sense!"

John wrapped arms around Rodney and didn't let go even when he tried to fight. "Rodney, we've been through hell and back, and we'll get through this too. Just let me help you."

"But—"

"No buts. I can teach you to read again. You're not alone, not anymore… and neither am I."

Rodney sniffed and looked up at John who had tears in his eyes. "You're crying."

John didn't try to deny it. "I hurt for you, buddy. When we hurt we cry, even big men like me. There's nothing I want more than for you to be yourself, but I can have that so we'll have to make the best of this. Let me take care of you."

John felt Rodney relax as the boy buried his face into John's shoulder.

"I'd like that."

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from my readers and drop me a line.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	5. Yearning

Title: Yearning

Author: KellethMetheus  
Series: Second Childhood 5/11  
Category: Kidfic/ Gen  
Summary: Rodney and Teyla have a talk

Beta: Thanks to Cheryl once again for taking the time to read this over and point me in the right direction. Also I made changes so all errors are mine.

Challenge: 12 Day Of Christmas: Day Four- Letter Y. Bless, Past, Missing, Worry, and Ravenous

~0o0o0~

Days passed then a week since Rodney had become small and Teyla was beginning to worry about him. He was at war with himself and his past. As more of his memories surfaced they seemed to haunted him, instead of uplifting him.

One morning she paused at the door before touching the panel to announce her presence. She understood Rodney's frustration; she too had learned to read after coming to Atlantis. The Athosian's had no written word. Stories were passed down orally or recorded on cave paintings or in pottery and other artwork.

At first it had been a struggle, but she had learned and Rodney would as well. Unlike her, the knowledge was locked away in his mind, he just had to find it. Entering the room, she found him missing. The letter cards scattered around the table, and across the floor and the whiteboard where he had been practicing writing, lay broken where they had struck the wall.

She tapped her earwig. "John, Rodney is gone. I think he needs you. He left quite a mess here, he seems quite upset."

"_I__'__ll__- __He __was __supposed __to __stay __in __our __rooms__. __I__'__m __due __in __a __meeting __with __Elizabeth __and __Sargent __Bates __in __two __minutes__. __Can __you __find __him__? __I__'__m __sorry __I __know __you __have __things __to __do__."_

"I do not mind, I understand his frustration. I will talk to him and tell him of my experience_."_

"_That __might __help__. __Let __me __know __when __you __find __him__. __I __want __to __know __he__'__s __okay__."_

Leaving John's rooms, Teyla headed down the hallway. "Have you told him that Jeannie is coming?"

She heard John sigh. _"__No__, __I__'__m __just __not __sure __how __to __bring __it __up__. __He__'__s __still __so__… __not __Rodney__. __I __don__'__t __know __how __he__'__ll __take __it__. __He__'__s __adjusting __slowly __and __I__'__m __hoping __her __visit __doesn__'__t __put __a __kink __in __the __process__."_

While she waited for the transporter, she responded. "It would be better to hear it now, instead of when she arrives next week. It will give him time to prepare. Also, he will have time to think about whether or not he wants to return to Earth with her."

"_I __know__, __but __this __whole __thing __is __complicated__. __I __don__'__t __want __him __to __leave__. __I__—"_

It was Teyla's turn to sigh. "Then you must tell him that as well. He needs to understand that he is welcome to stay, but if he wants to leave then that is his choice. John, he needs you to be honest with him. I understand that you do not like to share your feelings openly, but Rodney needs to know he is loved."

"_I __know__, __Teyla__. __I__'__ll __tell __him __after __dinner __tonight__, __I __promise__."_

"I have found him. Do not be too long. We are all to have dinner together. Rodney must be ravenous; he did not touch his snack."

"_I__'__ll __be __there __on __time__. __Sheppard __out__."_

* * *

Teyla finally found Rodney in the gym staring at the Banthos rods. "Why are you here Rodney?"

He reached out to the carved rods. "I'm not sure. Things… memories keep coming to me and I remember being beaten up, not being able to defend myself. It scares me and I don't like that feeling." He reached out taking the Banthos rods. "I still can't read. The letters dance and move and I can't keep them straight. So I thought if I learned a new skill, something to help me work out my fears and frustrations, I might feel better."

Crossing the room Teyla grabbed two set of sticks and sat down on the bench beneath the window. "I will teach you, but first I would like to talk to you. Come sit with me." Teyla patted the bench beside her.

With slouched shoulders Rodney made his way over and sat.

"Did you know that when I came to Atlantis I could not read? The very idea of symbols grouped together to make the words I spoke was a foreign concept, but if I wanted to be a part of the team I had to learn. It took me a very long time but I did it. For a long time I felt..." She paused to look at Rodney. "Inadequate. I could not do what the others could do with such apparent ease, but I slowly noticed there were things that I could that they could not. It is the same with you, Rodney. There are things you can do that no one else can. I have seen it. That capacity is still within you, you just need to find it and in time you will be able to access it."

Rodney looked up at her, hopeful. "Are you sure? I mean what if they messed up my brain and I can never figure it out? What if I can never be the person I was before, in the past?"

"You worry too much. You have been blessed with a great gift. Relax and let the memories flow. I only learned to read when I stopped fighting. We must find peace within ourselves before we can look outward. Picture a cat, before you came to Atlantis you owned one. Can you see him?"

A smile lifted the corner of Rodney's lips. "I can see him. Ajax, he was a good cat. We were happy together."

Now open your eyes. "And read."

Teyla held out a book. Opening his eyes looked at the down and the pages. Haltingly, he began to read, sounding out each letter from the page.

"Mer, what have they done to you?" Teyla got to her feet at the sound of a familiar voice. "Do you remember me, it's Jeannie."

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I also have two SGA flashfics posted there as well. Take a look and enjoy.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	6. Janus

Title: Janus

Author: KellethMetheus  
Series: Second Childhood 6/11  
Category: Kidfic/ Gen  
Summary: Rodney and Teyla have a talk

Beta: Thanks to Cheryl as always for keeping me on track. I made changes so errors are all mine.

Challenge: 12 Day Of Christmas: Day Five- Letter J, Gold, Earth, Peaceful, amazed, and proud

~0o0o0~

Suddenly afraid, Rodney dropped the sticks, scrambling away from the woman to hide behind Teyla. He knew that voice, and it meant his whole world was crumbling to pieces. She would take him back to Earth, a place where he'd never been happy and had become that sad, lonely boy all over again. Rodney couldn't bear that, not again. Here on Atlantis it was different, no one mocked him or teased him and best of all no one had ever hurt him.

Drawing a breath, he peeked out from behind Teyla's legs. "Who are you?"

The woman stepped closer and reached out to Rodney. "I'm Jeannie, your sister. Don't you remember me, Meredith?"

Rodney flinched at the use of that name, moving back behind Teyla. He hated that name, he always had. It was one of the things that made his other life a living hell. "I've asked you not to call me that; it's a girl's name! You know I hate it and I hate you."

Jeannie reached out to him and tried again. "Mer—Rodney, I'm here to take you home with me. I have a daughter and she'd love to have a big brother. Do you remember you were a good big brother to me and she'd—"

"Liar!" Rodney shouted, but it wasn't directed at Jeannie but at John who had just arrived. "You said I was important to you, that you were my family, but you lied! You were only marking time until you could ship me off to Earth and get on with your life without me." He looked at all the adults. "I hate all of you. I can't trust any of you!"

Then he stormed away leaving the adults stunned and amazed. The last thing he heard was John's voice. "Jeannie, I asked you to wait in the conference room. He didn't know you were coming! I thought I had another week before you got here."

* * *

Jeannie put her hands on her hips and stared John down. "I had the Colonel drop me off at the first planet with a Stargate and I came through ahead of the ship. I have things I need to get back to on Earth. This trip has cost me too much time as it is."

Frustration radiated off John in waves. "Teyla, can you watch Rodney? He shouldn't be alone, right now."

Teyla nodded and headed after Rodney, leaving Jeannie and John alone. There was a moment of silence before Jeannie lit into John.

"What have you done to my brother? I had just made some progress with him and now he's an eight year old and he hates me. Why?"

John's anger ebbed and was gone. Taking Jeannie's hand he led her over to a bench. "He hasn't forgotten you; he just seems to remember only the bad things in his life. When he was shrunk all the joy was taken from him. Just give him time and don't push him. As for taking him back to Earth, I told you to let him decide. He may look like a child, but there is still an adult banging around in there somewhere."

Jeannie laughed harshly. "That's just it! I don't have a lot of time. I have to be back on Earth in a less than a week, it's Madison's birthday. I don't want to choose between my daughter and my brother, but she does come first."

John shrugged. "Hey I'm new at this; I can only go with my gut. Right now it's telling me to go find Rodney and talk to him. But you should go and take break, maybe unpack."

He patted her shoulder. "I'll try to get him to talk to you, and if you'd like to tuck him in bedtime's at 20 hundred hours."

Jeannie gave him a falsely bright smile. "I'll be there."

* * *

Teyla sat down beside Rodney, who was tossing cookie bits into the ocean. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The boy shook his head, but began to speak after a moment. "I thought John would let me stay here on Atlantis, that he would be my dad. I really want to be Rodney Sheppard."

Unsure what to say, Teyla stumbled over her words. "I, uh, John is your guardian, Rodney, but Jeannie is your sister. She loves you as much as we do. We are your family, but so is she. You may not remember, but over the past few years you and she have mended many burned bridges and created a friendship, unlike you had earlier in your life."

Rodney shook his head. "I don't care about what my old self did. I don't want to be part of her family anymore. I don't want to be Rodney McKay if it means I have to leave here. I remember what it was like back there on Earth and it wasn't good."

Pausing, he looked over at Teyla. "Sometimes my memories scare me. I see scary pale men with funny teeth. In my dreams they're chasing me, but when I wake up, I know that John is on the other side of the room and I'm safe. If I go back to Earth, who will protect me from those monsters?"

Teyla wrapped her arm around the boy and looked out over the ocean turned gold by the setting sun. "You need to tell these things to John and Jeannie as well. This will not be solved by running and hiding."

Rodney sighed. "I can explain until I'm blue, but if John doesn't want me to stay I can't."

"Just talk to John, you might be surprised."

Rolling his eyes, Rodney sat up. "All right. I will after dinner. Can we eat alone? I don't want to see anyone else for a while."

"I will tell the others and we shall eat in my quarters. Then we shall practice your reading. I have some stories that you found for me from the Ancient database, when I was learning to read. They are primers the Atlantian children used. Would you like to see them?"

Rodney got to his feet. "I'd like that." His earlier breakthrough coming back. "I read earlier and, if we practice, maybe I can surprise John at bedtime. He'd be so proud of me!"

Teyla took Rodney's face between her hands. "He already is, Rodney, and so am I. Come, I am hungry as well."

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from my readers and drop me a line.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	7. Reconciliation

Title: Reconciliation 7/11

Summary: Rodney and Jeannie try to find a bit of common ground.

Challenge: 12 Day of Christmas: Day 6- The letter R, Pine, White, Wet, Itchy, and Tingly. Oh and I forgot peaceful in the last one. So it's in here too.

~0o0o0~

Rodney stared at the wall pretending to be asleep and wondering what he'd done wrong, doubts about John wanting him around still lingered in his mind even after Teyla's reassurances.

For the first time since he could remember, bedtime had been an awkward and confusing time. Jeannie and John had stumbled over each other seemingly unsure what role they should take and Teyla stood back not even participating at all. The whole thing left him feeling out of place, shaking his world further.

Wrapping his arms around the teddy bear Jeannie had brought him, Rodney tried to put his life back on a solid footing, but memories kept sneaking in and confusing him further... like the bear. He did have memories of the fuzzy guy, and it made him feel safer and a bit better about Jeannie, but it didn't mean he wanted to go live with her. His gut told him that Atlantis was his home. If John didn't want him, Rodney was sure Teyla would take him in. He had seen the sadness in Teyla's eyes as she watched the bedtime train wreck.

On the far side of the room they were talking, making plans without him. Jeannie wanted to take him to the beach. She wanted some time with him, to let him get to know her. That was the last thing he wanted, but no one was listening to him.

Rolling over, he watched the adults "discuss" the outing.

John paced the room. "I like the beach and there is a place we can go. It's about an hour ride by jumper. I'll pilot and we'll take a picnic. Teyla, do you want to come—"

Jeannie interrupted. "I wanted to take him alone. Isn't there a way to do that?"

"Not really. Jeannie, he doesn't know you. I know you're his sister and that carries some weight, but you are not taking my—" John stopped and flinched. "You're not taking Rodney without me, and if Teyla wants to come, you don't have a say either. We won't get in your way, but we'll be there if Rodney needs us."

"Jeannie?" Rodney sat up in bed, drawing their attention. "I'll go to the beach tomorrow, but I want John and Teyla to come too."

Jeannie looked over at John and Teyla. "All right then. I'll see you in the morning." She looked back across the room at Rodney and her face softened. "I really do want what's best for him, even if that's leaving him here with you, John. But he's still my brother and I love him." Backing away she left the room, unashamed of her tears. .

After the door closed for a while there was silence. "I hurt her feelings, but I don't want to be alone with her just yet. Does that make me a bad boy?"Rodney asked twisting the sheets.

John crossed over to Rodney's bedside, holding him close. "No, Rodney it doesn't. You heard Jeannie, she wants what's best for you and so do we. We'll work this out, you'll see. Now why don't you lie down and go to sleep. It's late and we'll be leaving early tomorrow. Sleep tight."

Rodney settled down into bed once more. There was silence and then he asked, "What will happen if I don't want to go back to Earth? She won't make me go, will she?"

Teyla pulled the blankets up around him. "Then you will go and we will miss you, but nothing has been decided yet. Now it is time to Sleep and dream of happy times."

Looking over at John, Rodney waited for him to say something, but John just put his hand on Teyla's shoulder and squeezed Rodney's hand with the other. The three of them stayed that way until Rodney fell asleep.

* * *

The sun felt warm and peaceful as John, Teyla, and Rodney walked along the beach with Jeannie trailing behind. The sun reflected off the water and the large pines ringing the beach swayed slightly in the breeze.

Rodney stood between them, holding their hands, enjoying being with his two favorite people, even if Jeannie was here too. Looking up at the sky and then out over the water, a smile grew on his lips. "Can we stop here?"

John surveyed the beach and the depth of the water. "If you like this spot then we'll make camp. Why don't you lay out the blanket buddy." He motioned to Jeannie. "And get Jeannie to help?"

Rodney shrugged. "I guess, I can do that." He looked over at his sister. "Do you want to help me? It's easier with two people."

Jeannie nodded and the two of them spread out the blanket while John and Teyla fussed with the picnic lunch. Rodney dropped down on the blanket until Jeannie sat down beside him.

Immediately he got to his feet. "I'm going to build a sandcastle. Right here." Rodney took a few more steps and made a huge ring in the sand.

Jeannie came over to him, holding a new bucket and shovel. "Can I help you build a castle? We were really good at it. Do you remember going to Lake Athabasca with mom and dad?"

Backing away, Rodney shook his head. "No, I told you I don't remember—"

"Rodney!" John's voice held a note of warning.

"Yes, you can help me, but I'm the boss. You have to listen to what I say."

Jeannie forced a smile. "You always were, Rodney. I don't expect that to change now."

The two of them sat down in the soft white sand and began to dig. Meticulously, Rodney filled his bucket and tipped it over, creating the square base for his castle. He let Jeannie help, but only if she did what he said.

When Jeannie chose to put a turret where Rodney didn't want it, he got to his feet, stomping all over the castle.

Brushing the now dry itchy sand off his legs, Rodney danced over the hot sand, before reaching the water. He let it tickled his toes.

It was cold and wet, in contrast to the burning sand, and he jumped back squealing. Laughing, he danced back to the water's edge and let it flow over his feet, shivering. Feeling brave, Rodney waded back out into the ocean until it was waist deep. Suddenly a wave knocked him over and he was pulled out into the ocean.

Panicking, he went under. He fought to get to the surface, but he end up with a handful of sand. The world around him slowly began to turn black, when two strong hands grabbed him and pulled Rodney to the surface.

Rodney wrapped himself around his savior, only to find that it was Jeannie who reached him first. Teyla and John stood just behind her.

There was a tense moment, but then something changed, his memories of Jeannie didn't return but he knew her and was no longer afraid of her. It left him feeling tingly and warm. He reached up and touched her face. "Jeannie, I love you."

Tears gathered in her eyes and she pulled him close. "I love you too." She watching him for a moment and then started back toward the shore. "Shall we have some lunch?"

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from my readers and drop me a line.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well. I love to hear from you whether you liked it or loved it. :0P


	8. Decisions and Choices

Decisions and Choices

Second Childhood 8/11.

Jeannie sat in Kate Heightmeyer office, the red headed woman sat across from her smiling kindly. Shifting nervously Jeannie looked down at her hands. "I'm not sure where to start, Dr. Weir suggested this but I'm not sure it will help. I have to go home tomorrow and I would like this all decided before I go, but John and I have reached an impasse."

Kate looked over at John. "Colonel Sheppard, how do you feel about this?"

John looked as Jeannie as he shoved his hands into his hair sending the few calm strands up into the air. "Well, I uh Jeannie I mean no disrespect to you but I think Rodney needs to stay here. We're the only people he knows and remembers. He's still feeling lost and alone. If you drag him back to Earth, he'll have to live a normal life, go to school and try to interact with children far below his level. That just won't work. He's not an average child, heck he's not even an above average. He remembers things no child shouldn't have to deal with-"

"Are you saying I can't understand, Mer? He _is_ my brother! Granted up until a few months ago I hadn't seem him in four years, but I grew up with him and gone through anything you have, Colonel Sheppard. I know him better than anyone."

Slapping his palms on the wooden surface of the desk, John got to his feet towering over Jeannie. "No, you don't! The man _I_ know now is nothing like the Rodney I met two years ago. Here in Atlantis, he's grown more than anyone else here. When I first met him, he was... quite conceited. Well, he still is but he's much quieter about it."

Jeannie laughed and John joined her. "I can't fault your logic on that one."

Sobering, John continued. "My point is if you take him away from this and there's a chance he'll go back to his old ways-"

Heightmeyer broke in. "John, Rodney is no longer that man either."

John looked startled. "I know he's not. There are things that Jeannie just can't understand about Rodney's life here. Last night Rodney woke up. He dreamed about the time he was taken prisoner by Kolya in that storm. He wanted to know if I could keep him safe from the bad man even if he was on Earth. I told him the truth. If he was on Earth and I'm here, I can't watch over him and protect him, that would be up to you Jeannie. Then Rodney rolled away from me and pretended to go back to sleep. About an hour later I heard him crying."

Pushing away from the desk, John began to pace making a mess of his already crazy hair. "I went to him and we talked some more. He's afraid that if he goes to Earth someone will take him and that's a good possibility."

Turning to Jeannie, he demanded,"Do you understand the danger he's in? There are some nasty people back on Earth, that would love to get their paws on Rodney. Do you really want to bring that danger into your house and family. Not to mention the fact that a eight year old just might forget about national security and well you can guess..."

Jeannie slumped slightly, but didn't back down. "Meredith, is still just a boy, he needs love and security. I can offer him that. I can't make him feel safe but I can love him. Maddy, my daughter would love to have a big brother. In my home, he would have a mother and father, stability. John, can you do all that?"

"No, I can't give him everything you can, but I can love him and help him through the scary nights because I have them too. Nightmares and fears are part of this job, Rodney has faced a lot of his and become a better man. That's what I see when I look at even little Rodney. He has the potential to be that man again or an even better one. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it's there and sending him to Earth may destroy all he's done."

Jeannie took in all John Sheppard words. This man loved her brother just as much as she did, if not more. He understood and accepted the side of Rodney she never could.

Suddenly a panicked feeling came over her and she got to her feet. "I'm sorry but I have to pack." She looked at Kate. "Thank you, I have some things to think about." She nodded to Kate and John. "I'll let you know what I have decided tonight."

Getting to her feet Jeannie left the room. Her decision was even harder now.

* * *

Kate watched Rodney's short little legs swing back and forth as they dangled from the chair. There had been silence for almost fifteen minutes now and she wondered how much longer she would have to wait?

Finally Rodney stopped picking at his fingernails and asked, "Does it matter what I want? Jeannie has the final say and I have to do what she wants. She's my only relative. She wants me to come home with her to Earth and I don't want to go." Rodney looked up over at Kate. "I do love her, but I need to stay here. This is my home now, I can't go back to Earth not like this. There are bad men who might take me, I can't remember who they are and that is what scares me the most. How can I stay safe when I don't know who I'm hiding from?"

Kate sighed, talking to Rodney at the best of times wasn't a joy. "I need to know how you feel and if there's anything you'd like to say."

"Well, I already told you, I want to stay here, but I'm not sure John wants me to stay. I want-" Rodney stopped biting his lips, to keep in his secret. "I have no power here, so what else is there to say." Rodney crossed his arms and almost pouted.

"Why do you want to stay here? What does Atlantis have that Earth doesn't?"

Rodney looked directly at her. "John. If I go back to Earth, I won't have John. He's my best friend and I only feel safe knowing he's there. Please don't take me from him."

Getting down off the chair, Rodney headed for the door. Kate caught his arm. "Stay for a few more minutes. Colonel Sheppard will be here soon."

"I don't have anything else to say. I don't want to talk anymore." When Rodney looked up at her, he had tears in his eyes, but looked away as they fell, rubbing them away with his free hand.

Kate sighed once again. "All right then, but you do have to stay here. Would you like some paper to draw? I'll contact the Colonel and let him know he can come early."

Rodney brightened as she held out a stack of paper and a bright green highlighter.

Each of them worked in silence. Kate reading over her files and Rodney drawing a picture, when John contacted Kate.

"_I__'__m __just __outside __your __office__. __Is __Rodney __ready __to __go__?"_

Keying her own radio, Kate replied, "Yes, he is."

A the sound of John's voice, Rodney bolted leaving his picture behind. As the door banged shut behind him, Kate picked it up as she too headed for the door to say goodbye.

Kate studied the stickmen. There was Rodney and John holding hands standing on what might be the east pier of Atlantis. She only knew it was John due to the childish letters written beside the taller of the two. They spelled John and then had been crossed out and replaced with Dad.

Folding up the piece of paper she only hoped Rodney would get his wish.

* * *

As always there are more two chapters up on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from my readers and drop me a line. I love to hear from you whether you liked it or loved it. :0P

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	9. The Verdict

**Author's Note:** A few people have asked me about one of my other Series Academy Daze (Jon, Jack's Clone and Cassie at the AF Academy. The story starts with Who Am I; Who Are You?), specifically when will Year Two begin posting? The Answer is in three weeks. I will start next week on my Website (Monday), but I have two more chapters of this one to post and will begin then. Posting might be a little shoddy over the holidays but I hope to get at least one chapter a week.

Sit back and enjoy this chapter and leave a review if you feel like it I love to hear from my readers.

For those looking for more of my Post Vegas fic. I have finished writing it but it does need a **bit **of clean up and I hope to get to that soon. In the last month I finished two stories and have one more to go to reach my goal of wrapping of three WIPs this month. They are Post Vegas fic called Vegas and Beyond (Continuation of The Man He Sees.) A have fic Called What...? and an SG-1/NCIS crossover (This one is the last to be finished. It's close but not quite there yet.)

Anyway enough babble and on with the show!

* * *

The Verdict

John watched Rodney leaning against the railing shivering in his pajamas with his short arms wrapped around himself. It was cold out here on the observation deck at 0300 and John knew he should take Rodney back inside but he felt the boy needed to get something out first.

Could Rodney have changed his mind and decided to return to Earth with Jeannie. Knowing speculation would get him nowhere John crossed to Rodney's side.

"Whatcha doin buddy. It's kinda cold out here." He shrugged out of his warm jacket and wrapped it around the boy. Rodney smiled gratefully as he threaded his arms into the holes.

Rodney nodded out at the dark water. "The whale hasn't come back."

"You mean Sam?" John asked as he settled against the railing looking out over the railing and up at the stars. "You named him, Sam. He saved your life when you were trapped in a downed jumper."

Rodney frowned. "Really, but I hate whales." His voice didn't sound convincing.

John smirked. "I know they scare you."

Rodney puffed up, seeming like he was twice a tall and wide. "They don't scare me, I just don't like them. They're big, wet and they eat people."

John's eyebrow arched. "They eat people?"

Deflating, Rodney shrugged. "Well they could if they wanted too."

Nodding, John chose not to press the issue. "Teyla said you left our quarters in quite a hurry? Is something wrong?"

Rodney's expression and body language immediately changed as he pulled within himself. "I had a nightmare. Jeannie changed her mind and took me back to Earth. The bad guys found me and they-"

John wrapped his arms around Rodney. "Jeannie's not going to change her mind. She understands the danger you might be in on Earth and you're safer here, with me. It's all right Rodney, no one's taking you away from me!"

The force in John's voice, broke a wall that Rodney had been building. "You really want me stay, I thought you might have been glad to get rid of me?" Rodney looked up at John. "I thought you didn't like having to watch me."

Unable to stand the anguish in Rodney's voice, John scooped up the boy in his arms and held him tightly. "I do love you, Rodney and I didn't want to let you go, but if Jeannie decided to take you, there was really nothing I could do. The day that accident happened was the greatest blessing I've ever had in my life, and I don't want you to go anywhere without me."

"That's good, because I'm not going anywhere. I love you too, Dad.

John's heart was about to burst. "I love you too, son. Back to bed with you. It's late and Jeannie's leaving early in the morning."

"Do you think Jeannie will really let me and you come visit?" Rodney asked laying his head down on John's shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sure she will." But Rodney never heard John he was fast asleep.

* * *

Jeannie stared out at the stars. None of them were familiar or anything like the ones back home. This wasn't her home but it was Rodney's. Leaving him here was the right choice. He belonged to this city among the foreign constellations. Kneeling down she hugged Rodney tight and brushed a kiss on his cheek before stepping back.

She ruffled his hair. "You be good for John. I've signed all the papers. No one will take you away from him. I'm sorry you have bad dreams, but I had to make sure I decided what's best for you. You understand your happiness was important to me?"

Rodney nodded and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Why can't you stay? Madison would love to come and live here, together we'd have a lot of fun."

Tears pricked at Jeannie's eyes. "I wish I could but I don't belong here, not like you. My home is back on Earth in my world, but you can come and visit any time."

Rodney brightened. "I will. You can take me to the PNE. Dad, our dad, never did take us, even though he promised."

Jeannie laughed and hugged him tight once more. "Yes, we'll go on the rides and have a lot of fun. Bring John along if he wants to come."

Behind her the wormhole activated and Elizabeth came down the stairs. "Jeannie, I'm sorry but it's time to go."

Standing up she smiled and moved toward the open wormhole. "Yes, I know. I'll see you around Rodney."

He waved goodbye. "I love you, Jeannie. See you soon."

She waved once more and then she was gone.

John stepped up next to Rodney and took his hand. "Let's go home."

Rodney smiled and followed him toward their quarters.

* * *

This story is now complete on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I love to hear from you whether you liked it or loved it. As I said above Academy Daze will start on my site next week if you'd like to tune in. :0P

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	10. Terminus

**Terminus **

**Ch 10/11**

Weeks, then a month and then two passed without a change in Rodney. It looked like he would stay a child permanently.

With hard work, he was able to regain his ability to read and write, but not the comprehension of the knowledge floating around his brain.

There was still the odd night when he woke from horrible nightmares. John did his best to help Rodney through these moments. Soon the two of them found their stride and became a family.

By the time Rodney remastered calculus John decided it was time for a holiday beside today was a special day.

Rodney was silent the whole time, John flew the Jumper and he knew there was something on the boys mind. When he landed the jumper, he tossed the boy over his shoulder and hurried off the ship into the warm sunshine.

"So Roddy, what's the bee buzzing around in your bonnet?"

"Nothing." The boy squirmed out of his arms and began to throw rocks in the lake.

"There's something going through that brain of yours I can see the wheels spinning."

Rodney looked down at his hands and a long silence filled the space.

John held out a chocolate bar. "Snickers for your thoughts."

Forcing a smile, Rodney accepted the bar and took a bite. Speaking around the food, he asked, "Do you think I'll always be trapped in this body?"

Turning Rodney's face, John made him look at him. "You're not trapped. Besides, I kinda like you this way, you not such a pain in the..." John stopped as Rodney looked up smirking.

"You like me this way? But I can't go on missions or save you guys. What happens if you all die because I can't remember or understand what I should know!" He tapped his head. "I have all this information in my mind and I can use it. I don't want you, Teyla or the others hurt, because I'm not me."

John knelt down to Rodney's level and it finally dawned on him what this was about. "Hey, Sargent Johnson's death wasn't your fault. Just because it took Zelenka a while to figure out how to open that door doesn't mean you could have found the solution any faster."

Putting his finger under Rodney's chin he made the boy look at him. "Yes, we'd like to have the old Rodney back but we can't. Right now, you just concentrate on what you can do. All that college level math and other brainy stuff with Zelenka. The world is open to you. One day you'll be able read those stacks of books in you old rooms, but for now we'll do what you can do and worry about the rest later."

Rodney nodded. "I can do that." His stomach rumbled.

John pulled him close. "Shall we eat? Teyla was laying out the food when I left to find you. Shall we see what she packed?"

"I'd like that. Do you think she brought Ketchup chips? I know Jeannie sent me a few bags for my birthday."

Grinning, John took his hand, heading toward when Teyla sat on the blanket. "Let's find out!"

* * *

Rodney had finished lunch and was enjoying the beautiful spring day. He was having a lot of fun, even if they hadn't let him wear his favorite shirt with Donatello, the Ninja turtle on it. The leaves were just beginning to bud on the trees and he felt so happy.

He was headed down to the water with John holding one hand, while Teyla held the other. Every few steps he'd jump lightly and they swung him in the air and everyone would laugh.

Today was his birthday and he was going to enjoy it.

Turning his face to the sun he wondered if it was warm enough to go swimming. Today he felt brave and it was a strange feeling to Rodney. Maybe it was because the two people he thought of a his parents were here with him and thanks to his talk with John he felt much better about being a boy. It wasn't his job to save the world, not even when he was an adult. He could just be a happy kid, he was allowed.

Suddenly a sharp pain shot through his body. Letting go John and Teyla's hands Rodney fell to his knees curling up into a ball. He heard a loud scream and he realized that it was his own voice as something wrenched on his body.

He could hear Teyla and John trying to speak to him, but the pain blotted out their words. There was a tearing sound and then he began growing. He was becoming an adult again and Rodney felt a tear on his cheek. He's loved being a little boy and he'd miss his mother and father.

Looking up into the worried eyes of the adults hovering over him he whispered. "I love you, Mom and Dad. I'll miss you."

Tears spilled out of Teyla's eyes. "I will miss you too, my son. You made me proud, I love you as well."

John squeezed his hand. " Rodney. Thank you for-" His voice broke.

Rodney nodded. "I know Dad. I know. Goodbye."

And then the pain became unbearable and Rodney lost consciousness.

* * *

This story is now complete on my site you can find it by Googling my pen name. I have also posted the first chapter of Academy Daze on my site it you've been waiting for that one. It will appear here on fanfiction in two weeks time. I love to hear from you whether you liked it or loved it. :0P

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


	11. Need

Need

Ch 11/11

Beta: Thanks to Fallenstar2

* * *

John sat on the couch staring out over the ocean. His life had been turned upside down, shuffled and plummeted off a cliff. It all had to do with one small boy, who was no longer a boy.

When Rodney had come to live with him, he'd moved to a quarters with windows thinking that a child needed sunlight not concrete like walls. Even now that the child was gone he couldn't quite get up the energy to move back to his old quarters or do anything for that matter. He knew he should get to his feet and do something- anything but it was hard, his son was gone.

For now, each breath was like a knife in his heart, but he would go on, he had to, there was no bringing the child back, Rodney was lost forever. Most of all Rodney seemed to remember none of what happened, and that hurt the most.

The the door opened, and someone knocked on the door jam. "John, may I come in?"

John didn't say anything for a moment. He knew she was hurting too, she had loved little Rodney as much as he had.

"Come in." His voice was croaky from his private tears and lack of use.

Teyla's quiet footsteps crossed the room but he didn't look up at her. Instead he tried to hide his grief and he stared determinately out the window at the darkening sky.

Sitting down beside him, Teyla's fingers curled over his. "How are you John?"

There was so much that John would liked to have said, but once again words failed him. So he gave a small lift of his shoulders.

"I miss him too." For the first time since she entered the room he looked over at Teyla. Her eyes were rimmed red. Understanding what she was feeling, he squeezed her hand.

"Why don't you take this." He passed her the small t-shirt to her. It was stained beyond redemption. Poor Donatello, the purple brainy Ninja Turtle, would never be green again. Memories of the joy Rodney brought them flooded over him.

"No you keep it." she sighed. "I can not believe he is gone. I mean we always knew that it could happen but-" Teyla's voice was soft.

"I know, he was a great little guy and cute too. Never would have guessed that." He turned the shirt around in his hands and not thinking he brought it up to his face. The shirt still smelled like the little boy who'd loved it and had never taken if off, without screams and bribery.

A smile crossed John's face as one memory came to the surface and without thinking about it he slid closer to Teyla, knowing that she'd enjoy the shared memory as well. "He was wearing it the day he went to New Athos with Halling to go fishing. I thought he'd be back in half an hour, but he was gone all day. Then just before sunset, he came back covered from head to toe in mud. Somehow he'd fallen in a mud hole."

Through her tears Teyla smiled. "Yes, I remember and you scooped him off the ground ignoring all the mud and spun him around. He squealed with delight and it was then he called you daddy."

The words he was going to say caught in his throat. "He did and from that moment on he was my son and I loved him."

Sighing, Teyla laid her head on John's shoulder. "As did I. Rodney was a wonderful son and I will miss him. I am glad he is himself again, but I will miss the boy he was. He was very happy as a child."

John wrapped his arms around her giving her the comfort they both needed. Although he tried to resist it he laid his head against her relishing the closeness as they mourned. Her hand rested on his chest as they sat silently for a while, missing the lost child.

"John, I have always wished to have a child of my own someday, but when the Wraith woke, I feared it would never come to pass. How could I bring a child into a world where the Wraith still pose such a danger. Can I condemn a child to a life such as this one, full of trepidation and instability?" She sighed, "But having Rodney in my life has shown me I should not let fear rule my life. If I live my live that way, I allow the Wraith to win and then all is lost."

Once again John felt the blade stab him in the heart, this time for an entirely different reason. He'd had the same thoughts and dreams at different points in his life, but his mistakes and failures had ended all thoughts of little John Sheppard's running around anywhere. Rodney had been his chance to have a child, but that was gone. Rodney was once again an adult, who no longer needed John and his arms ached to hold his little body close to his once more.

After a long while Teyla spoke, "He is still with us. Rodney is not gone. He doesn't understand why you won't talk to him. He still needs you, John. It's just different now. Do not abandon him, it may destroy you both."

"I must go now. Elizabeth has need of me. Think on what I have said. You may want to speak to Rodney. He's probably feeling as lost as you are. Did you ever think about that?"

A heavy silence filled the room before Teyla stood and left, leaving John alone once more.

* * *

Rodney sat in his own quarters trying to come to grips with his own thoughts and memories. At first he'd pretended not to remember anything, it was all too overwhelming. John was a man he'd looked up to and respected now he loved him as a father. He was unsure how to make the transition from son to buddy?

How did one do that? Could John still respect him now that John had held Rodney after a nightmare about a whale or monsters under his bed. Life was just not fair, he'd finally found himself a place to belong and now that was taken from him. He'd never be able to live this whole event down. He was sure that everyone was laughing at him behind his back, Rodney would never be able to have any authority again.

Getting up, he paced his room but it wasn't his room really not anymore, for the last month his home had been John's new quarters and most of his things were still up there so he felt out of place here. In fact he felt out of place in his own skin.

He closed his eyes, he almost wished to be that little boy once more, but he was needed here the world would go to hell in hand basket if he wasn't here.

"_Rodney__?" _John's voice sounded over the radio making him jump.

"Y-yes, Colonel?" Rodney tried to keep his voice even but it didn't work.

"_We __need __to __talk__, __meet __me at__the __usual __place __in __five __minutes__. __Sheppard __out__."_

Rodney looked around the room as panic began to claw at his throat. Giving himself a mental slap he drew a breath and left the room, sometimes it was better just rip off the bandaid than to peel it back slowly.

* * *

This story is now complete. I have been posting some flash fics on my website, If you would like to check them out Google my penname and you should find me. I love to hear from you whether you liked it or loved it. :0P

Academy Daze: Year Two has bega and there are two chapters posted on my site, I couldn't wait any longer. It will begin here next week unless I get a ton requests to start sooner.

Also I have published two original pieces of work on Kindle you can find a link to them on my website as well.


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